the day after is always just damage control
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
