My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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