We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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