She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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