Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
