i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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