Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
