Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
