Pappa wants mamma naked
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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