he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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