Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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