I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
