She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
