You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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