I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have fence marks all over my body
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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