did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
