I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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