u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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