hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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