cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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