He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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