He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
