I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
