You're so nebulous sometimes
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
