I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
