omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
