He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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