we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
