i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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