I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
