My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
