I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
