hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
