When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
