i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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