Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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