idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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