SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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