If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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