So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
