You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
