Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
