I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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