Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
