I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
