you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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