Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
