I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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