some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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