Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
