Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
