How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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