I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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