I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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