bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
