I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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