theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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