Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
