Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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