1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
nut hugger
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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