Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
