I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
