if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
