so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
