i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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