I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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