Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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